life’s newfound philosophy

hey! i am finally back after a short reprieve. had to think things through. what with the direction my life is heading and what this blog will become of. here are my options so far. stay in this shithole depressive state or perk up abit! all is not lost, live each day as it is. i think my choice is pretty clear. what would u choose?

days has so far been a little bit of this and a little bit of that. i had the luxury of having the whole house to myself for the entirety of 4 days. and let me tell you it was goood while it lasted. but it also had its ups and downs, hiccups are bound to happen when u have four days on hand, 50bucks to spend and living in singapore. so naturally i blew off my money on outside food(hey! it ain’t exactly cheap okay), and some knick knacks. but through all these, i still managed to go clubbing on saturday.

though i was broke through and through, i still had managed to squeeze out a considerable amount of cash to go paint the town red. and i must say surprises comes in small clubs which are low on the crowd factor. it was a nice surprise that rav was not so packed. i had expected the club to be filled with people. but noo.. we had entered at around midnight. and usually at that time, places would be packed with sweaty dancers and drunk people. but that was not the case. competition from bigger clubs had hampered the chances of rav in obtaining full-house status. but i did not mind. met up, by chance, with old school friends i was once close with. and it was a mind boggling experience to see how much people do change in what, a few years?! hairs were let down to the extent, one could not recognize the other. once a nice girl with perfect teeth and sweet demure, now a girl tainted with yellow teeth and the philosophy that “less is more”. her options are open to anyone who can fill her up inside. respect to that man. but what the hell happened??!! but i ain’t complaining its your life. but i would still like to get to know the new her. so coffee someday my old pal?

ok. enough about my incessant ranting of what happened on saturday. with my 50bucks gone, i thought all hope was lost. but luck was on my side. my dad came home and replenished my bankrupt state. so all is cool. i would still like the chance of having the whole house to myself again.

i have said enough.

the laundry is waiting

shall say somethings before my laundry turns all dry and start to stink up my kitchen.

the letter has finally come and all i can do now is drown myself in the voice of rachael yamagata. it confirms all my fears. and that i have to face up to it sooner of later. but oh well. i’ll just have to deal with it in my own little ming way.

but i had a unexpected good day yesterday (enough of depressing stuff). carpe diem. i had a fantastic laugh fest on the bus towards town. we were constantly laughing at ping’s ranting of this daytime cookshow. it was fun and more fun.we anchored ourselves into plaza sing and had pasta for dinner then later sojurned to starbucks for theeee ultimate chill out session.

we just sat there and stoned. and it was fine for me but not the 87s and 88s. they uprooted themselves and decided to spend their remaing assets on cheap thrills packed in an electronic box. then ping left to meet her one. that left me and fran. we decided to walk down to orchard cineleisure for the dj hunt of some sort. but to no avail. we were short of time. the whole damn thing was over even before we got there. then the suggestion of watching a movie came to mind.

it was at first some random thing where we would see the time and buy the tickets. when we got there, all the earlier shows had already started. then we saw alot like love. without hesititation we went for it. though i was a little apprehensive but still went for it. the movie was at 1235 am. so we had time to spare. we decided to chill. we had a silent match and got beers and went to the rooftop of cineleisure to crap and chill. nearly overchilled though but still managed to make it for the movie.

here is my two cents worth. alot like love is a great movie i must say. though its one of those love stories but very different in a way. it just appeals i guess. its plot is very engaging and keeps the viewer wanting to know what happens in the end. but the ending is one that is pretty much cliched. u would have guessed it now if u were smart. but its just nice. ok. go watch it for the love factor. ashton and amanda looks quite the couple.

ok. shan’t go into too much details for fear of creating spoilers. but after the movie went home probably due to the dryness of my contacts. and added more songs into my mini. hee. yep. got my ipod mini at last. enough said.

the laundry is calling out to me.

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felt like photo whoring today.. so decided to knick some pics from fran’s album.. hope u do not mind.. hehehe

aww.. dosen’t jasmine look sweet with june…

my frens.. and uninspired me.. what is justin doin? headbanging??

more than just group mates… eh.. where is the hell is ping and justin staring at…

ok.. thats all folks.. bye… so long.. farewell.. blah blah blah…

in the light of reality

i take my brush and paint myself a scenario. its pale settings and bright characters stand out. i try to paste whats in front of me into canvas. then it starts to rain.

the arrival of that someone finally approaches. i am very happy i must say. its been too long. do not ever leave like that again. i shall reprimand. i wonder what goodies she would bring back. i can only think with glee. today was a day of just chilling out. tomorrow’s back to the hustle of school life and keeping up with appearances. somehow departure seems easy.

the truth was poured out finally. a question was posed. i took it in, analysized it. and gave out a truthful sincere answer. i know it could be daggers through the heart. and i cannot just ease it out with apologies. but sooner or later. its going to come out. and i just chose to do it at that time. so what are u going to do? sue me? we’ll see the after effects of what i have done and answer the question my insanity poses. it will all be clear the very next day.

today i was under the block where that solitary light shone so bright taking pictures were ghastly tasks. i was with my dear friend. we shared alot of things and i am very grateful i have her has a dear friend. sometimes u look into the mirror and u realise, u cannot live life alone. if u have decided on the path of loneliness, it will just lead u to an early death. now would u want that? keep the one’s close to our heart near u at all times. do not stretch yourself out too much. have u heard of sprains?

my canvas and brushes are all wet. they were drowned away by the rain. my virginal scenario no longer exists. i shall pack up and leave, only to never return.

wrong impressions are imprinted

like a garage sale. all unwanted and used goods are left in a jumble winthin a box. u scour through the jumble hoping to find that one thing that u fancy. alas. to no avail.

today was the day of amusing happenings i must say. what with a supposedly straight guy giving lap dances to an indigenous guy. but it was all in the name of fun i must say. there were laughs here and there. but i stopped in my tracks. i somehow retreated into the darkness of something incomprehensible. my ever increasing rise of depression. but it was all good.

a breathe of fresh air came in the meeting of a dear friend. we combed the streets and stalls searching for cheap prices and hoping to reinvent ourselves. there was an outpour of the heart. and at the end of the day i was very much able breathe again. so for that i am very thankful. sometimes being amongst groups of conflicting ideas can be “draggy” and depressing to the mind. what with being able to maintaining sound conversations and making sure everyone agrees.

i realised that we need society and society needs us. society created materialistic wants. and we act on this materialistic wants and give back to society. its just one big scientific equation if you think about it. like for instance the need of an ipod mini. i just need it because society has it. aside from the fact that i have quite reasonable reasons for wanting it. but we’ll see what becomes of it.

imprints of wrong impressions has been made. hence the title. unintentional they were. i could have sweared. but sometimes when u are in the moment. u fail to notice the damage u’ve done. all i can offer now are apologies and… more apologies. when u are a free spirit flying high amongst the clouds, u tend to think that all u need is to be grounded in order to be happy. therefore u make the choice. and wham! u get lost in white fluffy specks. then the epiphany strikes, all u want is flight. life is just one big contradiction i am one big contradiction we all are. life is.

people sometimes think that by helping others they are in turn helping themselves. but they are actually not. although i am prone to do that sometimes, i’ve learnt from getting burnt.

u drive away from the garage sale disappointed. u look into the rear view mirror once last time. suddenly u realise what u want was always there.

flies are everywhere.

there is a mysterious fly hovering about my house. its buzzing is just one hell of an irritant. but thanks to whoever its out there its out of my house.

there is a strange feeling of regret that has seeped into my train of thoughts. i should have done it very much earlier instead of beating around the bush. but i can’t help but be a big time procrastinator. come on, we all are, in a way. but i hope everything comes through. sometimes i would like to be encased in a realm of morbidity.

but school was at least fun.sometimes i feel that in this beautiful picture where do i fit in? i feel that this beautiful picture that i have perpetually conceived would be destroyed by the passing of time. hence the trying to make the best of each day worth it. but u sometimes forget that u have limited time and thus let slip the hands of time. debate ignites passion inside. and it did for me. we had a mini debate in class. and it was a enjoyable one i must say. i was so full of ideas that it formed a tangle in my mind and out came, nothing. but oh well. another day has passed. i wonder what tomorow will bring.

hopes are still pretty high of me getting an ipod mini. my figures are still pointing at the display case. and i guess thats the only thing that might be keeping sane. a hope that this would work out the way i want. it breathes on its own. its a solitary being.

do you believe that grapes would turn sour? its sometimes that constant tiredness of maintaining this friendship. put into context an explanation. u are just tired of following up with someone over and over again. she does however she pleases and still u beckon to her call. its just stupid and irrational. but somehow u cannot stop harkening back. time spent too long may prove otherwise. i shall then take a leave of absence. i shan’t hollaback no more. irrelavant reference to this paragraph. but felt doing something out if this post.

once again a thought that this would be a short one, but has instead given birth to something so big. but somehow my emotional battle has died down. i shall see what tomorrow awaits me. i just pray that mommy will be home soon. did i mention that cursed is one hell of a comedy, pun intended.

the blank spot is no longer blank.

the cloudy day seems to be clearing, or is it just my illusion?

the week has been a pretty good one i must say. what with all the birthday celebrations and what not. i know that this week would also be one. or so i think.

but i think and hope things are lookin up? we’ll see..

moodlessness has taken over.

shakespeare cliche a reality

the music blasts loudly into the background.

the apparent reason. facts of life that shines bright and neon-like. its just there. no way of defending yourself from it. its been a very happy day i must say. for someone was born. but somehow there is this hollowness in everything present. that pressing issue still lingers in my mind.

then an epiphany strikes. i want something. i hope i will be able to get. i want to turn to my mom and tug at her skirt and point at the something in the display case and say with child-like granduer “mommy i want that for my birthday”. with a grace unspoken for she would say “of course u can have it”. i want to try squeeze an ipod or something similar out of my mom. hope it would be that easy.

then i shall walk out of my house down into a sea of eaters. and dine.