faceless creatures of the night

first picture of this entirely bland block. very proud i must say. of

this incredible feat in my life. i just hope this turns out right.

i like the fact that u can’t see our faces. cos if u can’t see our faces u cannot judge us.

am very tired. long day plus 1 cup of beer and 2 bottles of spy. so gonna crash now.

faceless creatures of the night

first picture of this entirely bland block. very proud i must say. of

this incredible feat in my life. i just hope this turns out right.

i like the fact that u can’t see our faces. cos if u can’t see our faces u cannot judge us.

am very tired. long day plus 1 cup of beer and 2 bottles of spy. so gonna crash now.

what with a mystery guest and a tagboard..

so there is someone swimming through tagboards. i wonder who is it. a mystery it is. very curious. but i shall not prod on. we’ll just see what happens.

so the wave of depression has finally came and went. humbled i am. many thanks is all i can say. but the waves would always be there. just like the hours. its always the hours. please be reminded.

ok. enough of such nonsensical ramblings about my already soaky and sordid life. had a good day today. like talkin to a therapist that charges 100 dollars per hour. but i do it here for free. went to the movies. seems to be that movies are all i have been drowning myself in these few days. but i like the notion that we can live our life through the characters that we watch on the big screen. its taking us out of our lives and for a moment transfixing it onto the screen.

“black coffee” is playing in the background. i somehow feel for this song. no particular reason. did some impulse shopping today. was quite surprised with myself actually. everyday we learn something that we do not know about ourselves. it was good. going out with the group. its not that nice though going out with such a big group. too many conflicting ideas. what with barfing and walking aimlessly. but thats that. we still managed to have a meagre portion of fun. but i feel that i should be more active amongst my frens. i need to state my case. i need to fan myself out occasionally.

morcheeba’s “slow down” is playing in the background. schools starts again in a few hours. and somehow going back ain’t exactly what i am looking forward to. but oh well. what can i say. i paid for it. might as well. but i do hope the week will be a good one. i am surprised that i have been doing this alot. blogging i mean. it is almost becoming a habit of mine. i do not know whether its good or bad. but i hope its good. its a way of getting out.

in a few days time it would be someone’s happy day. and i do not know. its still hanging and i know its me that do not want to pluck it down from where ever it is. news like wildfire are spreading fast. quick pass me a bucket of water. some damage control is needed. with the bucket in hand, i wonder shall i pour it over the “newsy wildfire”? i am aloof. and it works for me.

wow so much text. surprised with myself. but oh well. shall stop here. controversy over blogging ain’t exactly healthy for the mind. i am a walkin contradiction. proud of it. give me a cert for it. maybe it’ll help me get a deferment. ha.

i want to be the honeycombe child

there’s that itch. Ever present and irrevocable. it rises to a point where you cannot keep your hands off it. u just want to scratch the surface till it withers away to reveal blood. the blood drips away to finally reveal flesh. then your tears fall.

then with a few exchanged messages i am once again subjected to the arrest of my house. but i like it. i feel the walls of my room calling out to me, asking me to stay. so i will stay. listen to music and type my life away. i realised that i do need to study anymore. so yea.. for me. till the day the exams comes once again.

really feeling, i do not know also. feeling that inexplicable urge to want to do something really senseless. then it rises upon my thoughts that i am cashless. thats the sad truth. i have not even eaten my lunch yet. but i will as soon as i get my butt up the chair and see where it’ll lead me next.

went to watch monster in law just yesterday. a surprisingly good movie. had me laughin quite abit. so go watch for the good bitch fights.

emptiness. here sitting typing my life away. its always that i am saying that and meaning another. craving just to be able to be. but life is just full of fucking ups and downs. really can’t explain where is all this rage coming from also. its just that we have to conform so early in our lives and then when we grow up we become the person they have made us conform into. save some sweet souls that manages to burst free of the chains.

i should make that call soon. to see how my dear fren over a few seas are doing. i shall do that and hopefully feel better. do not want to go out anymore. just want to be that honeycombe child that swims around books and leave them sticky.

won’t even do a closing here.

walking away from the wreck of the day…

consecutive days i have sat in front of this computer typing my life to feed my cartharsis. somehow i feel comforted. somehow i breathe in this electronic sense of comfort when i have presented myself to the world. its that feeling. the feelings of the 21st century.

i am a junkie for cds. and i dunno why buying them makes me happy. there’s that something when buying a cd for me. its that feeling that i can slowly uncover the contents of the cd. the lyrics the melody the everything of it. and i could just let it play and it’ll soothe me like a crying child in need of warm milk. i like walkin in a cd shop. there is a certain thrill in it. not knowing what i might find. and what i’ve found was rather a gem.

ok let me give u the lowdown. my mm paper was a blur. that is all. nothing much to talk about. it was just.. nothingness thats all. but oh well. what ends well starts well.

i do not know anymore. i feel that i am no longer. i want to live the characters my eyes and mind meets in books. reading flesh and blood again was definitely an eye opener again. my eyes devoured like 200 hundred pages of it in two days. and i felt like i was living with them. living amongst them. and it was a wholly new feeling. i really liked it. flesh and blood is my drug that takes me out of my own sordid life.

i want to speak up but instead speak down.

more days will pass on. the hours are just there. to haunt u.

what with inricate moths and rabbits.

u walked down from where u stay and realised that a rabbit all bunched up at one corner of the broadwalk. its innocence and purity befuddled me. i asked it “are you okay?” and walked away.

anyways.. i picked up flesh and blood again. i was surprised at how i wanted to read it again. it was so nice to read it again. i tried to study but i the temptation was just too strong. i read and read. and got very minimal studyin done. so its done gon fail mm. so yea. thats that.

while walkin back home i saw that rabbit again. where do the intricate moths come in? thay came into picture when i left this desolate block. they just there. beautifully depressing.

who invited you.

u enter this really sleazy club. and the pulsating music pulses through your veins. the lights are really hung low. the bar is filled with filth. you order your drinks and realise. you will have fun here.

life is just one big contradiction huh. its just the little things that really get to you. i was just laying in the sun today and chilling with my dear fren. tried to get some studyin down but the sun just took my attention away.
and yes i went to that club again on weds. it was really packed did not have that much fun but oh well it was money well spent. i guess. then for the pass few days i was imprisoned at home. wanted to really study which i did. spent like three days getting the notes down. now i just have to memorise.

opened the newspapers today and saw this article about sex changes. pretty interestin. read on. realised that there was this miss tiffany pageant going on. would like to go down there to see it. just for the heck of it. i think it would really be an eye opener. but oh well they will never be accepted in the society of singapore. come on this is singapore.

feeling really liberated today. don’t know the reason for that also. but i just feel that it things and people in life just change. they move on. and if its not goin to happen its not goin to happen. i do not know what will happen come june but i will have to think of something. i need to get out more. instead of just staying home and watchin mtv.

ok should leave now. has spoken too much.

u leave this sleazy club. and realised u are stained with smoke smells and alchohol all over your body. u run home and get it washed away.

bleeding is breathing

the darkness and vastness of an empty movie. only to be littered by a few souls. the creepy feeling creeps up your body. shivers. shh… the movie is about to start.

ok here is thing. i am still sick. what a bummer. my stomach is all acidic and corroding. i can feel the acidic juices eating my stomach walls thin. and whats worse i haven’t got down to serious studyin yet. its that constant feeling of procrastination. ah i’ll do it later. which i will…. eventually. i believe in the law of eventuality.

went to watch amityville horror yesterday. and i thought the movie was great. one of the better scary movie i’ve seen in a while. i was even scared outta my chair. but the movie kinda reminds me of thirteen ghosts. this other scary movie. then again this movie has its entire twists and turns of its own. and whats more its based on a true story. so yea i really like it.

there’s so much i want to say. but today ain’t just the day.

the movie ends. the audience wants thier two cents back. for such a lousy movie. i pull my bag of two cents and return them one by one.

big meals and small talk

sitting pretty upon a pedestal, a pretty box. its sides are lined with ruby diamonds of a different century. your curious hands reaches out to the golden latch. opening it reveals a torrent of shimmers that blinds your eyes.

my weekend was a sickly one i have to say. what with staying in bed and nursing a very bad fever. all i remember of my ordeal was, sweat, the constant feel of vomit and a revolting bowl of stale macaroni. i do not want even to talk about it. but things started to look up for me on sunday. and my fully recovered brain was constantly glued to the tv. watchin four full hours of mtv. i love that channel to bits.

there’s this show thats called my sweet sixteen. its this show abt how people celebrate their sweet sixteen bday. and their bdays are like this big grand and lush event. and i mean big. they go to like paris to get their clothes. and then it struck me. they are only 16!! what about their wedding??!! the later generation are really lucky. get anything they want at their beck and call.

then evening came. i realised i haven’t eaten yet. wenta meet jess dear for dinner. went to church to pick her up. pretty exiting. went to eat at alameen. then meet up with shell also. it was fun. had a long talk with jess dear. took some really groovy pics under her block. very cool i must say. there’s one pic that i named faceless creatures of the night. now i am all tired and coughing. damn. so i am gonna crash.

then the shimmers settles. only to reveal to your eyes a plain rock of stone. disappointed u slam the lid down. no one said the exterior will follow thw interior.

there’s always the hours…

i have walked along the shore line, picking up corals that were washed ashore by the mother sea. beautiful some were, in weird shapes some were, but they were all magnificent to me. with my bounty in hand i release.

my feeling now, shitty. yet i am still here writing the thoughts that are running through my head now. this has been a weekend of partings and i can safely say new beginnings. i had forgone 24hrs of sleep to send my dear fren back to her homeland. i was an emotional wreck. seeing her leave was heart wrenching on my part. but she had no other choice. in order to see greener pastures, one must take exploration in strides. she left on the 10th of May 2004 0650hrs. i was left on ground. somewhat stranded with these emotions. i knew life and things will never be the same again.

i missed school that day. i went home to take a good long rest and returned to school this very day. i guess u can say it was not too bad a day. owing to the fact that i was constantly carrying an empty stomach around the whole day. only stuffing with junk food and more junk food. the icing i had to say was the after school activity. we had decided to watch a movie. after a long debate we finally decided on coach carter(a movie i was not keen on). but a wind had settled amongst us to change the plan. i was very adamant on watchin bonjour monsieur shlomi. i guess you could say the wind was in my favour. cos we got to watch it in the end. the movie was a feast for my eyes. it was witty and delicious. in a way. with all the pastries and cooking. but it was also a coming if age movie.

right now the hours is playing in the background. yet i am still tapping away on my keyboard. the time has come for to me bid farewell.

my bounty landed onto the shore once again. the mother sea ate it back up again. only to let it out later. aren’t shells meant to be given away after collection.