then once again it falls

suddenly u feel like the whole world has turned its back on you. doors are closing. windows are shut tight sealed with scotch tape. you are left with the bare truth. failure is glaring reality. but not being able to look beyond the grade is a grave sin.

once again i cut open the letter and saw this ghastly number that refused to go away. i asked myself why??! but no answer comes to mind. i am frozen. i am “tearless”. my tears won’t flow. people are moving on and here i am stuck again with this ghastly number.

Its like all rays of hope has disappeared leaving with you only a glint. Thats the glaring reality.

I only can hope that my appeal will come through. And for once i am not in this alone. I’ve got the support of many people. I wanna be free for once. But would an angel come and lend me her wings? I wanna be free as zuzz.. haha.. zuzz dun be sorry k.. thanks for messaging me.. let me say sorry for being crude. i just can’t understand.. i’ll still try to apply… for nyp.. hopefully.. the glint will once again become a ray.

nights now…
ming.

one rule: no rules – free zone.

will we ever be able to express our views and act freely? never in this country.

Its very frustrating when u know u cannot be free no matter how much u fight.

I’ve missed all my frens dearly.

I want to study. But without the grades, whats the point.

I’ll run in the cold till my face turns numb.

And still u fail to see me.

I just pray and hope that once its out its out.

I will be able to pursue the dreams i want.

There’s no use in pouring ur heart out on this screen.

Will a catharsis done electronically be helpful?

Twisted answers.

U bend and break to one’s wills and wants. For what?

Never was a cornflake girl.

People around u are ur judge and jury. no cannot hide from it.

Been listening to KT Tunstall and Missy Higgins these few days.

Surprisingly good.

Enjoying job. will miss once its over.

Enough!

Twisted insane ramblings shall end here.

.ming

a soft wave

a soft and subtle wave washed gently over me today. i decided that i had wanted to update my blog after what felt like eternity. i did not know why, but i felt as if i finally had something to type. we blog our feelings out because we want to be heard, somehow. then suddenly the wave passes over me and i am left marooned, with no inspiration left.

ah- ha! i’ll talk about work. work has been therapeutic in way. it takes my mind off things i do not want to think off. the results of the o levels will be out soon. mixed emotions are reeling in my brain. i think i will pass i think i will fail. i do not know. what my future holds for me. i just close my eyes and hope it turns out well. i am faithless. i turn to faith only when i need something, don’t we all do that? i feel it wrong to do so. but yet guilt wears heavy on my heart for not believing in my faith. someone just save me from falling into the pit of my own self-destruction.

i have seen quite a few celebrities during work. not really big people, but enough to amaze me. today i saw soo kui jien out of all the confusion. and i was like wow. haha. then the last time i saw keegan kang. and the last last time i saw deepak chopra and i felt peaceful. with reference to the soo kui jien and keegan kang comment, that was the ‘gayest’ comment i’ve made. haha. but i am sometimes feel like a drama king. haha. i only am when i’m around with people i’m comfortable with. eg. with jarrrod. haha. then again my fren zuzz once said there a lil bi in all of us. and i agree. so go figure.

tiredness and weariness has come up again. i think i shall stop here. bye.